The Disease of More: Why Success Still Feels Empty

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. Welcome to Ed and Ken's mini podcast. As always, I'm joined by my good friend and. And quiet coach on the side, Ed Fordyce. Ed, how are you, my man? Good to see you. [00:00:20] Speaker B: I'm doing great, brother. It's good to see you too. [00:00:23] Speaker A: Are you having a good summer so far? [00:00:26] Speaker B: Having a great summer. You know, we're, we're, you know, this, this summer here is limited to 12 months. So, you know, I'm really trying to get everything I can out of the summer. [00:00:40] Speaker A: Yeah, for those three days of winter that you have to endure 60 degree weather, [00:00:46] Speaker B: sometimes we wake up and it's 48 degrees here. Dude, you don't know the struggle. You don't know the struggle. [00:00:55] Speaker A: I was in Ireland last week. Well, I guess it was. Yeah, go. Yeah, last week. And what's crazy is their, their summer is basically 68 to 73 degrees. They said if they have three days over 73, it's considered a heat wave. And I'm like, I don't think I could live there, man. I don't think I could live there. [00:01:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:16] Speaker A: How, what did you like about it? [00:01:18] Speaker B: What, what, where did you go? [00:01:20] Speaker A: So we spent a couple days in Dublin and then a couple days in Galway and it was really cool. We got to see my daughter at St. Patrick's Cathedral. Cause she was on a separate trip. We just kind of crossed paths in, in Dublin for, for the day, so. So that was fun. And my, my Caitlin came with us, so. So she joined me and Amy on the trip and you know, it was just. It was so cool. It was cool being in another country, hanging out with my daughter as an adult now, you know, she, she was, she was allowed to drink. And the best, the best story was we're on the. We're on the ferry from, from Galway to the Aran Islands. And I'm like, you know what? I can go for a beer. So I stand up and I start walking towards the bar and I get a text message and it's my daughter. She said, get me one too. She didn't even know. She. I didn't say that's where I was going. That's just where I was going. And she's like, get me one too. So. So. But no, it was, it was a lot of fun. We really enjoyed it and happy to be back in the States. I, I love going to Europe, but one of the things I love about Europe is it reminds me how much I love living here, to be honest. So it was, it was a cool trip. [00:02:29] Speaker B: I get it. My kids are in, in the Greek island or in Greece right now. Little time in Athens, but most of their time will be spent in the islands. And Sophia and Johnny are there. And yeah, it's, it's, it's cool. I've been there twice. That's enough for a lifetime. [00:02:47] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm good. [00:02:49] Speaker B: I'm good. [00:02:50] Speaker A: It's a long flight, man. [00:02:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:54] Speaker A: So get into it. I, I, I want to, I really want to dive into. We, we spend a lot of our conversations on like, surface level, maybe one inch down concepts. And because we don't necessarily feel like we have the time to really kind of dig deep into some of these topics. So I wanted to spend today, I want to go deeper and we can pick a number of topics, but I want to go a little bit deeper for the people that are listening when it comes to, like, what kind of coaching you do. And this is obviously, it's not like an ad for Ed Fordyce coaching, but at the same time, it is still cool for them to get a feel for, you know, the kind of topics that they're working with a coach. This is the kind of stuff they should be asking about. These are kind of things they should be doing. So you had mentioned earlier, you know, you're coaching and you rounded off a couple of topics. Pick one of those topics. Let's go deep. [00:03:55] Speaker B: Yeah, it's, it's been a busy couple of days for me and really hitting hard everything from how to be more precise and how to be more articulate during the process of generating business, transacting business communication with our clients. And what that sounds like is speaking more powerfully, more precise, not mincing words, taking out all of the ums and the oz, even in a casual conversation, everything from that to alignment in your business and subtracting everything that is not in alignment. And then just, I'm looking at my clock right now, a half an hour ago, finished up with, that's great, but tell me what your real purpose and passion is for doing this business and making the money that you do. And that got really deep. And my message to them was, when, when you can be of service to other people, there's, there's nothing that, I mean that, that's what we're here to do. We're here to serve each other. And a long time ago, I uncovered through agents, business owners would come to me and say, ed, I had the best quarter of my career, Ed, I haven't made less than 120 grand a month in a decade. I'm unhappy I'm empty. I'm, I'm like. And I take them through questions of grading themselves on a scale of 1 to 10, where's your health, where's your net worth, where's the this, where's the that? And one of those categories is contribution. Giving away your time, your talent, your money for free. All of those people, and there's been quite a few over the years that have come to me with that. The highest self assessment that they've given themselves with contribution when they're in that state has been a 3. Most of the time it's below 3. So they have other, other than making money, they're, they have no purpose in their life or their business. And that's where I coined the phrase the disease of. [00:07:05] Speaker A: So when, with regard to contribution, That could look a lot of different ways over the years. What are some of the ways that your clients, students have found ways to contribute? In other words, as a real estate agent, I mean, is the easy answer mentoring, like, is that one of them? What are some other ways an agent can take their contribution from a self, you know, assessed 3 to it to a 9? [00:07:44] Speaker B: So I just said, no, that that could be one of contribution, helping another agent. I'm talking and, and again, I'm laughing because, you know, there's only going to be certain people that will want to coach with me and get something out of my coaching, my mentoring. I want to change that word coaching someday. And I would say that when I was asked by my coach a while back, you know, what are your goals? Where do you want to be your five year thing, okay, when you get there and money is no longer an issue, what are you going to do? So, and I'll give you that answer in a second. But the question that anybody that's watching this wants to ask themselves and answer it is what hurts your soul so badly that you want to be able to say, not on my watch, not on my watch. This is not going to happen on my watch. And it should be something that brings up some emotion. So when my coach asked me that, I said, that's very simple. You know, my main thing would be being a part of an organization like Tim Tebow's organization or operation on the ground railroad, where we eradicate the evil of human trafficking, specifically child sex slavery. And you know, as you can see, when I talk about it, I just go into a whole different, whole different world, a whole different place. And that is again, giving away your time, money or talent, doing what you can all the time. And that's the juice of life, man. And by the way, you don't. You don't have to be financially free to do this. You don't have to be rich to do certain things you can give away. If you're a musician, you can give away music lessons to somebody that can't afford it. So when we talk about that, those are the kinds of things, hey, if you want to help out another agent, this is the way I look at it. And again, I'm a little intense with this stuff, Ken. It's like, well, you're supposed to help out your fellow agents. Like, just help them. A human being help them. That's like surface level. That's like the companies that say, we have a great culture now. You're just being a normal human being. That's what human beings do. [00:10:46] Speaker A: It's a low bar. [00:10:48] Speaker B: Yeah, sure it is. Sure it is. [00:10:53] Speaker A: So finding ways to contribute in very meaningful programs. And I. I agree that the one that you're passionate about is. Is. Is important, but, you know, not on my. [00:11:07] Speaker B: Usually, Ken, usually it's this. Usually it's this. It's usually something that that person experienced themselves or they watched. So when I got the call early March 2020, from a mother in East Goshen that said, I've seen what you've been doing with Operation Underground Railroad. Can we meet today? And I went, yeah, sure. And when I sat down, this mother, East Goshen, looked me in the eye and said, I seen what you've been doing. I have to tell you that my son, who was 12 at the time, has been trafficked for the last four years. [00:12:00] Speaker A: She didn't know where he was. [00:12:03] Speaker B: No, that. This is. This is the thing, and this is the. The people think human trafficking is. The white van pulls up, the kid or the child, whatever, gets thrown in, and they go off to Haiti. They're never seen again. That's part of the way that this $150 billion global enterprise works. Do you want me to take the time to explain the way these guys do it? [00:12:28] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. Okay. [00:12:30] Speaker B: Okay. So the way that they do this, they're very smart, by the way. The. I'm like, wow, this is. This is like it. [00:12:46] Speaker A: The. [00:12:49] Speaker B: The local guy called. They're called Masters, live lives in Applebrook, right across from East Goshen park. Now, this is 2020ish. I don't know if he moved. I don't know what's happened to him. [00:13:06] Speaker A: But [00:13:09] Speaker B: what they do is it's usually done through Snapchat and by the way if a. If a kid is a teenager, anywhere between 8 years old and 16 or 20 years old, and they're on social media, they have been. There's like a 92% chance that they have been contacted by a trafficker and they don't know it. They're being groomed, they're being brought in. They're being like, I'll give you an example. Do you ever get a text message that says, hey, are we still on for lunch today? And it's just a random text from somebody? [00:13:49] Speaker A: Random text, Yeah. I don't know about that specific one, but. [00:13:52] Speaker B: Or are you going to be at the meeting today, just a random text from a number you don't know. A lot of those are human traffickers, and they played out. But in this kid's case, this is what happened. And I'm sorry, I got the timeline wrong. He was 16 at the time. He was 12 when it started. So they will be on Snapchat, and one of the pros, one of the people will connect with them on Snapchat and just say, like, hey, you play lacrosse? I play lacrosse, too. And it'll be a female who's acting like they're 12 or 13 [00:14:42] Speaker A: and. [00:14:43] Speaker B: But they're 16 or 17 wearing a very revealing shirt, right? So right away, little. Little Johnny's engines are revving, right? Holy crap. This. This girl likes me. She's talking about lacrosse. She will say, this is literally the way that they start blackmailing, they start this whole process. She'll connect with them again and say, oh, my gosh, Johnny, I loved our conversation before about lacrosse. I didn't realize my dress was showing my boobs. And do you like them? And Johnny would be like, yeah. She will say, do you want to see them? Johnny says, yeah, she does it, right. Johnny's like, oh, my gosh. Right? 13, 14 years old, 12 years old. Then she says, I showed you mine, you show me yours. When little Johnny does that, she takes a screenshot. Now she has them. Now she says, johnny, I've got this picture. I'm going to send it to your parents, your coaches. I'm going to put it on social media. I'm going to hang it on poster boards all over the place, unless you meet me. Little Johnny meets her, meets them. They put little Johnny to work doing the deal. They find out who the dog like, the dog. They threaten, they brainwash, right? Johnny goes home. So when you see things on social media now, this is not from me. I know I can be a little crazy. This is from A mother whose son was trafficked, who ripped through everything to find out how does this happen? When you see on social Media, oh, a 14 year old kid went missing from Downingtown and then 12 hours later you see, oh, they were found. Sure, that happens sometimes, but a lot of times they weren't found, they were returned because they meet with their master once a month, once every two months, to be threatened, to be trafficked, to be brainwashed even more. And over the years, I would start out my real estate training saying, hey, we're just going to, this is really important to me. I'm, I want to create a wildfire of awareness about this and I want to eradicate this evil off of planet Earth. And I would show them couple videos and, and I've been trained on a little bit of what to do, how to do it, how to figure it all out. Parents would go home and it's only happened a couple times, but parents would go home and talk to their kids about it. And I know I have a couple emails buried somewhere that said, ed, oh my God. I went home and I've talked to my daughter. She was like, dad, what do you think I'm stupid? And he goes, but I knew there was something, I could just sense it. And later my daughter broke down and said, I'm so sorry. But they threatened if I said anything, they would kill our dog. They would do this, they would do that. And it's, it's in every county, it's in every school. Teachers, unfortunately are involved. We saw it with a local real estate guy not too long ago in, in Montgomery county. It's a $150 billion a year business. It's in every town, every school, and it's ugly. So that is my thing, man. That's of course, recovery and veterans are another part of my thing. But that, that is something that God in the universe just kept and keeps putting in front of me. [00:18:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:53] Speaker B: And it's, it's, it's horrific. It's horrific. [00:18:59] Speaker A: It really is. And, and if that's happening in the United States, I just can't even imagine how bad it is in, in, in third world, you know, where, where there's virtually no protection against this kind of stuff. Wow, that's insane. So that's the kind of stuff that gets like, that's, that's when we talk about like your. Why does that work into that conversation? That was one of the things you mentioned earlier when talking about ages. Yeah. Why is that the kind of thing you're talking about? [00:19:30] Speaker B: Yes. And the Question is, like, what. What hurts your soul so much that. That the words not on my watch come out. It could be a cure for cancer. It could be diabetes. Usually it's something that the person has experienced themselves or they have seen firsthand, you know, so when that mother looked me in the eye and told me that everything, I had already been, like, involved in it, trained on it a little bit. But everything changed for me that day. That. [00:20:05] Speaker A: That was. [00:20:05] Speaker B: That's my friend. I know her. East Goshen, one of the richest counties or townships, whatever, in America. So it hit close to home. [00:20:21] Speaker A: And [00:20:24] Speaker B: it's one of those things that our brain. I will say this too, and this is like, our brain is not equipped to take that information in. Like, right now, like, I feel nauseous. But like Tim Tebow says, I just posted a video is like something like, will you have the courage to run into the darkness? And. And I. I mean, I. I put my life on the. I'm. This is not. Are you willing to put your life on the line for it? Yeah, I am. [00:21:06] Speaker A: Yeah. It's nuts that you said that. You know, most people can't process it. I'm experiencing this in real time, right, with you telling me these stories. And, like, I have to make. I have to make a decision as I'm listening, right. Do I absorb it, which means, like, really absorb what, What I'm hearing, or do I somehow put up a little bit of a barrier so that I can continue this conversation without going to a very dark place myself, you know, and, and, and, and it. It's almost like I'd have to hear it multiple times in order for it to really sink in. Because otherwise, if I truly absorb what you're saying right now, and then I just start thinking about my kids. I start thinking about, you know, other kid, other families that I know, and, and the likelihood. And it could be right across the street for all I know. Yeah. You know, that's. That's some scary shit. Yeah. [00:22:01] Speaker B: There was a movie that came out, I think it was two, three years ago now, the Sound of Freedom and the. [00:22:09] Speaker A: The. [00:22:10] Speaker B: The founder of Operation Underground Railroad. It was a story about him, and Jim Caviezel played him in the movie. And I will tell you that after that movie, I would warn anybody to. That. That would watch that movie, protect your soul, man, because it's. It's. It's dark. And. And I think. I know I had to get away from it for a while, and I have to still, because I'm not. I'm not trained Like a professional, like those guys. I, I, I have a hard time separating it. So that's why I sort of jump into it then I have to jump out of it because it affects me, man, it affects me badly. But it's like I won't stop until I'm rescuing a certain amount of kids a month, which I want to rescue 10amonth. And I'm going to put together groups of people. Rescue and rehab is about 10 grand a kid. [00:23:24] Speaker A: How do you know if you've rescued someone? [00:23:27] Speaker B: Yeah, through operation on the ground railroad and organizations like that. So they, they, they cooperate with local law enforcement, not just in the United States, but around the world. They, they, they know where the places are and they go in and they arrest the bad guys and they go in undercover. And like this dude, Tim Ballard and the people, by the way, all of these people with Operation Underground Railroad are all former FBI, law enforcement, military, Navy SEALs, high caliber people that just gave up their career to go do this. And you know, they, they go into these places and a lot of the, the masters are Americans that live in different parts of the world and they, they literally negotiate for the certain age. This, I, dude, it's, it's, it's, it's the most evil thing. And when you, when you see it, you, you just can't, you can't wrap your brain, you can't conceive it, it can't, can't take it in. So what again, getting back to the question, like what are you not willing to put up with on your watch? You know, and for, I don't expect everybody to do something that intense, but I want it to mean something, [00:25:07] Speaker A: you [00:25:07] Speaker B: know, I want it to mean something. [00:25:09] Speaker A: What happens to someone when, when they do make the decision? So again, you, you talking to them about their scale of 1 to 10, this scale of 1 to 10, this Scale of 1 to 10. This and you get the contribution. You're like, all right. And they say I'm a through. And you're like all right, let's talk about that. What are some of the things that you do not want to see on your watch? You kind of vet that conversation out. And they do, they do find something that they're passionate about, something that they really think is going to make a difference in the world. And again, it doesn't have to be this intense. But what happens, what transformation do you see in that person when they do have that thing and they can take their contribution from a level three to a level eight? I know you're not allowed to say seven. [00:25:50] Speaker B: Yeah. So a lot of times it depends. Sadly, too many times, and I'm talking, you know, 15, 20 years ago, they never changed. [00:26:10] Speaker A: They stay at that three. [00:26:12] Speaker B: They stay at that three or below. Yep. Yeah. [00:26:17] Speaker A: And I guess your responsibility is. You listen to Jordan Peterson. Are you a Jordan Peterson fan? He says, you know, responsibility is the, is the precursor to purpose and part of, you know, that contribution is taking responsibility for others. Right. For innocent people, victims, what have you. Why isn't family or legacy or my kids. Why isn't that enough for you as a, you know, as a coach? When you're working with someone, why isn't it enough for them to just say, look, I, I really, my. Why is my kids. [00:27:01] Speaker B: Well, in a way it's none of my business to say to anyone that's not enough. Every, everybody operates at different levels. My response is, well, it can't be your kids because that's a legal and moral obligation. So it's like, what is it like? Okay, so I sent, you know, you send your kids to the best schools and the best this and the best that and okay, so like a lot of times if they say that, I'll say, okay, cool, let's talk about that. When was the last time you sat down with your son or daughter and said, what are you most afraid of right now? What's your. I remember sitting down with Eddie when he was going into kindergarten in sea aisle, eating an ice cream cone. And I said, hey buddy, what are you most anxious about going into kindergarten? And of course this little five year old looks at me and he's like, daddy, what's anxious mean? Yeah, I said something that's like on your mind, that like you're just thinking about a lot that you're, that you're sort of nervous about. And this little beautiful five year old boy says, oh, I know Daddy, I'm, I'm afraid that when I go to school I'm gonna have to go kaka. And I'm not going to be able to wipe myself correctly. The biggest thing in his world at that time. And I just said, you know what, buddy? We're going to go home and we're going to pretend that you're going kaka. We're going to, we're going to make sure you're the best butt wiper in Glenn Acres elementary, man. Like, that's the most important thing. So when we, you know, when we can connect with our children and on a lot of times, thank God I work with, you know, great people, but sometimes that is missing. And to be able to have [00:29:24] Speaker A: those. [00:29:26] Speaker B: Those conversations with our kids, man, that's. That's where the magic is. Yeah, we're deep, dude. [00:29:33] Speaker A: We are. And I'm not stopping there. I love good that you said when I. When I brought up family. How many of your clients are blinded by the fact that they think, oh, I'm doing this for my kids. I'm getting up every day and going to work and working 18 hours a day and focusing on work and making money and, you know, putting money in the bank and buying a nice car, buying a nice house, put it in my schools. I'm doing it for my kids, doing it for my family, doing it for my wife. And you ask that question, when was the last time you sat down with your wife? When was the last time you sat down with your. Your. Your. Your husband? Was the last time you sat down with you? It's like, take me through that. What are. When. When. When someone says those things and you're recognizing right away that they have the disease of more and what they. You know, they think they're doing this novel, the noble thing, when reality is they're actually hurting people they claim to care about. What are some of the signs of that? And how do you walk them through recognizing and seeing that? [00:30:42] Speaker B: Usually it's generational. Like, they. They don't. They were never shown that. They were never taught that. Or, you know, and my. My parents were awesome, man. I'm. I'm the youngest of seven kids, right? So when I came along, man, my parents retired. They did their best. However, the reality is this passion I have towards my communication with my children comes from the pain of feeling abandoned, of going, like, why am I alone? Like. But at the same time, I was able to create, like, be real creative, you know, like, it was a thing where, you know, just. My parents didn't. My mom didn't tell me she loved me. Not because she didn't love me. It's just. That's the way she was raised. Belgrade street in Port Richmond, baby. Like, no emotion. She didn't tell me she loved me till she was diagnosed with cancer and dying. [00:32:08] Speaker A: So [00:32:12] Speaker B: when we. And again, that's. My mom was great. Like, you mess with one of her kids, a Port Richmond mama, they show [00:32:23] Speaker A: their love a different way. Huh? You. [00:32:25] Speaker B: You better. You better run. And my mom may have weighed 120 pounds, maybe. So a lot of times I will. I will go through this with them where they're. They're just not as open. They. They might not quite know what I'm talking about. And I'll say something to them like, hey man, take, take me back to like when you were a kid. Give me an idea like when you were 8 years old and it was summertime, like what you would do and they, they would, they would take me through that, that, that time and I'll look for the thing, right? And I'll say, all right, now in that time, I want you to pretend that you're you now, a father or a mother. And you pull up and you see little Sally playing by herself or you see little Johnny playing by himself. And, and he's not, he's not that he's, he's not getting picked for the kickball team or, you know, know, made a fool out of themselves singing, they were made fun of or whatever. What would you want for that little boy? What would you want for that little girl? And then we take that, we go like, all right, let's do, let's do this for your daughter, let's do this for your son. And you know, it's a, it's a. [00:33:54] Speaker A: Or do it for yourself. I, I think that there's a great, great. I don't know if you're a country fan, but there's a great song. And you know, I'm a country fan to the most limited degree. I'm just not. I, I like the music, but I'm not, it's not my genre. There's a song if I Could Write a Letter to Me. I don't know if you ever heard that phenomenal song, if I Could Write A Letter to Me. I don't know if that's the name of it, but that's certainly the chorus. And what I love about the story that he tells is basically he's an adult and he's going back and he's giving himself advice and first he has to prove that it's him. Like, how would you know? And he's like, look on your mattress, there's some things under there. And he explains, he's like, that's how you know it's me. And, and he, he gives himself this advice and just the idea of like, if I were to go back and tell the eight year old self, like, here are the things you're worried about. Here are the things you're high strung about. Don't be high strung about this. Stay on this path. This is going to be hard. Stick it out. This is going to be not worth it. Let it go, you know, and, and now instead of like, then, because my Kids have a different upbringing than I had. So, like, if I could go back and tell myself these things to, you know, what to let go of, there's something therapeutic about that thought and about that song. But you're right, though. You know, for me personally, I feel like there's a certain level of accountability that I don't think my parents had. And I feel like I'm so overly account, overly in a bad way. But like, accountability is one of those things that I have with my kids. Like, if I mess up, I want to know, like, there is no, you know, carry it on into your adult life. These things that, that you wish I did or wish I said or wish I didn't do, like, tell them. And I had a really good conversation with my son. And you're right, this is deep stuff here. But I had a really good conversation with my son a couple of weeks ago where I was like, hey, man, listen, now that you're an adult about to get married and have kids, I want you to know, like, you're going to start to recognize some of my imperfections in the context of you becoming a father, becoming a husband. I want to know if there is something that you think I did that I can be accountable for and it doesn't. Like, I might say I'm sorry or I might say I'm not sorry. Here's why. But like, having that open dialogue, I think is what breaks those generational curses where you don't grow. Like, growth is not just me. Like, I need to take my lessons. The growth that I'm experiencing as a human and as a father, as a, as a man, I want to make sure that I pass that growth along. So he's not starting at square one. Like I was, you know, what a, what a powerful, powerful thing to help people uncover in themselves so that they can be better at something so trivial as being a real estate agent or a loan officer. Right? [00:37:06] Speaker B: You know, the dude, if you're selling everything but at home is horrible. Like, what are we really doing? And I, I asked this question to the brotherhood. It was really, really cool. They're all just such great guys, man. Just incredible men. Like, just incredible. And I asked him, I said, so, fellas, how are you treating your wives? And they went, good, great. I said, okay, if I asked your wives how you were treating them, what would they say? And they giggled and they were like. She would say, I'm a good guy, I'm a good man. I said, okay, what if your father in law was hovering above and you didn't know him. And he was watching the way you spoke to your wife, treated your wife, what you did, like outside of the house when she's not around, what would he say? And they were like, dude, how can you do this to us? And I was like, we, I love what I get to do because it's all about the truth. Like the truth, not this truth, this truth. And I mean these guys again, they're like, what they were looking at is things like I was on a, on a call with one of them and he was running late, so he was walking out of his house with me on the phone and he was like, why? Well, I'm on the phone with Ed. All right, we'll talk later. And I said, hey, who are you talking to? He said, my wife said, dude, turn around, walk back to her and say, hey, I was just short with you and I'm really sorry. What can I take off your plate today to make life easier? And they were like, you really want me to do that? I'm like. And I said to him, you either do it or we're done. Like, I don't want to coach someone that would not recognize. Like, do you think your father in law would approve of that? You just spoke to my little girl like, whoa, what, what? And this is, I don't know what it's like now, but the blessing that I was given was being able to gave my children and put them through the Anthony Robbins Global Youth leadership. And they learned to deal with emotions, they learned to deal with sadness, they learned to deal with all of the stuff, shame, guilt, fear. And if I would recommend anything to any parent is ha, literally have the village, but have a good village. Like have that village that's not going to let anyone off the hook. And that was at least back then it was like first of all, Gary King, I think it was Gary King, when a Tony Robbins right handed person was like, your parents are doing the best that they can. Do you have clothes on your back? Did you eat today? Do you have water? Yeah. Thank your parents. [00:40:59] Speaker A: Wow. [00:41:00] Speaker B: So highly recommend that my brother. And it's because at the end of the day, the end of our days, [00:41:09] Speaker A: you know, [00:41:13] Speaker B: I'm probably going to go before you do. I. The 80s wreaked havoc on my body. So I'm probably going to go before you. But if you went before me, [00:41:28] Speaker A: do [00:41:28] Speaker B: you think I'm going to go to your funeral and be like, oh man, me and your father, we did this deal once and the other loan officer was doing. And your father. And he pulled off this amazing thing where my client won the deal. No, I hope not. Am I going to say, oh, my God, your father had a 401k and, and, and this and had that? No, I'm going to say. Let me tell you. I already have. Like, I would say, like, let me tell you first of all about how many laughs we got out of something like silly mayonnaise on an Italian hoagie, right? And then I'm going to say, you know what? I am loved by 50% of the real estate industry and I'm despised by the other 50%. And I was reminded that today, by the way, a little slander going on here with me, Ken. It's hysterical. Literally no one, and I know a lot of people have ever said a bad thing about your. This is what I would tell your kids. No one ever said a bad thing about your father. Like, and that's the truth. So what do we want. What do we want people to say at our. At our, at our funeral, man? And you know, that's. That's what I want. I want you to tell a story to Eddie. Johnny. What just hit me, this is when I coach people, I look for that, and when I see that, I'm like, that's it right there. That's your why. That's your thing. That's your purpose. That's what you lean into when you get stuck with, like, yeah, you're going to tell them a story, and I want everyone to tell them a story of our friendship, of what we did together, how we laughed, how crazy we were. That's it. And yet all the business is easy. The science of achievement, dude, the numbers. Do this, do that, do this. You're going to get this result, period. What, What I want to be is like. And if I go first, dude, you better have a picture of me, like, above your. Your fireplace. Like, that's Uncle Eddie. [00:44:12] Speaker A: I'll get a neon sign that says Eddie instead of effortless. [00:44:18] Speaker B: So, yeah, D. And also with all of that. Most. I want people who's watching this, I want them to be kind to themselves. Really kind of. When I work with human beings in and out of the real estate world, I realize that most of us, everybody loves us. Everybody loves Ken Jordan. Does Ken Jordan love Ken Jordan? Does Ed Fordyce love Ed Fordyce? And I'm just lucky enough to be in this. This world between recovery and where I'm constantly looking at myself. Dude, I. I didn't realize there was. There was. There was a. A more than a Small piece of me, dude, that even though I'm out, I'm doing my thing. Eating fire. Yeah. Empowerment, this, that. Growing real estate brokerages. Feel like there was still a part of me that it wasn't that I disliked myself, dude. I hated parts of me. Isn't that nuts? Like, you knew me. When we have the, the courage to do that, that's great. But for now, like, the one thing men and women is just give yourself this gift. And when you brush your teeth in the morning, you brush your teeth at night, look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say, I love you. And your name. I love you, Ed. I really love you. Most beautiful thing you can do, man. Most beautiful thing any human being can do. Doesn't matter if you're a biker or you're a barber. Best thing you can do for yourself, man. And you know, that's what, that's what. And I'm just, I get so filled up when I see that happen with people. But I also know that when I come hard, I love hard. Like, I love hard. And one of the biggest lessons I've learned in the last five years is sometimes human beings don't like that. And, and they, they will slander, they will come after, they will fabricate things. And, and that's okay. They gotta, they gotta deal with that. But I'm okay with the haters. [00:47:19] Speaker A: You know, people do things for their own reasons. Right? There's nothing like that old saying, like, your opinion of me doesn't matter. [00:47:27] Speaker B: No. [00:47:28] Speaker A: Right. [00:47:29] Speaker B: Yeah. Right. [00:47:30] Speaker A: I do like what you said, though. Got a couple more minutes here. I do like what you said about being kind to yourself. And I, I try and tell people that I, I, I talk to and work with my kids, especially, like, you know, there's a difference between being kind to being nice. The simple analogy is like, you know, if I have spinach in my teeth, are you going to be nice and not say anything because you don't want to embarrass me, or you're going to be kind? Call it, tell me it's there. Give me a minute of embarrassment to save me a whole day of walking around with spinach. My teeth. And when you say being kind to yourself, I feel like there's this, there's a similar approach. Like being nice to yourself is making excuses and letting yourself off the hook all the time to make yourself feel better momentarily. [00:48:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:48:18] Speaker A: Telling yourself rational lies. I always say rationalize is two words. Telling yourself, perfectly rationalized to make yourself feel better, that's not being kind. That's being nice to yourself. Being kind to yourself is saying, hey, look, here's the truth. And you're still good enough. And you're still enough. And you're still. And, And I still love you in spite of the fact that you have this thing that needs to be worked on. But being honest with yourself, There's a difference between being honest with yourself and being kind and beating yourself up, Right? Beating yourself up is. God damn it. You know, you were late for this today. You're such a loser. Why can't you save more money? Why do you have this debt? You know, why is it that this customer, you know, why'd you lose this customer? What? You know, it's because you, it's because you stink at your job. Like, like that is not being kind to yourself. Yeah. So you really do have to. And one of our, Both of our favorite books, one of. I thought it's in my top 10. I know it's in your top 10 is the four agreements. And, you know, they talk about the victim, the judge, the warrior, and the child and the victim and the judge when they're doing all the talking, right? You're beating you up and you're, you're, you're playing the victim and you're being judgmental of yourself. You know, you know, you know, that's not the conversation you're having. But the warrior comes in defense of the child. You know, the child is pure joy. The child is you. The child is you in your. In your best form, your. Your best self. And sometimes you need the warrior there to defend you. But it doesn't change the fact that you, you have to know, like, hey, these are the things that, that, that need to get worked on. And in spite of those imperfections, you know, I still love you. That's. That's huge. And, and the takeaway for me here as we wrap up for the action item is what you just said. And I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Next time I brush my teeth, I hope no one's around. I do that because it might be weird, but I, I'm, I'm committed to that. Next time I brush my teeth, I want to do that because I think we spend a decent part of our day holding ourselves and know, beating ourselves up. But it's okay to tell yourself what you need to work on. But it's also important that you wrap it up with and I still love you. [00:50:37] Speaker B: No doubt, man. No doubt, no doubt. It's the most important thing. Most important thing. Good stuff, brother. [00:50:45] Speaker A: I love these conversations. We never like, we never know sometimes where we're going to go when we, when we hit the record button. And I certainly did not know we were going to go here today. And I don't even know what these are going to look like in clips, like online. I mean, out of context, some of this shit might be really weird, but. But I'm hoping that if anybody listens to this, I hope they listen to the whole thing and I hope they take something away from it. I know I did as I always do. And you know, I promise you that if, if, if and when in 100 years you do ever go, I, I absolutely know what I'm going to say. [00:51:20] Speaker B: All right, brother, that's cool, that's cool. I love it, man. Good work, brother. [00:51:26] Speaker A: All right, we'll talk soon. Ed. [00:51:28] Speaker B: Sounds good, man.